anti-Bieber
Short Story: The Hunger Pangs (Part Seven)
We’re almost to the exciting conclusion! Prior parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
Part Seven: Beaver Fever
I lost my ally so I just walk in the forest, awaiting any other dangers. My one ear is still deaf, so I make sure to be extra careful. Then I arrive at a stream, where I take a nice long drink and fill my Barbie water bottle.
“Baby, baby, baby …”
I hear Pita. I look around the stream, and sure enough, I see Pita lying on top of a dam surrounded by beavers.
“Pita!” I shout. He stops singing.
“Katnip!” he says gleefully. “Come meet my beaver friends. They love my singing.”
I walk over to him and he doesn’t look good. He has a cut in his leg from the batarang and it’s oozing pus. Red lines spread out from it. He must have a blood infection. The beavers huddle around him, keeping him warm.
“Pita, you need medicine.”
“I know, I’m having these singing outbrea—I need somebody to loooove!” Pita sings.
I feel his forehead, and it’s dangerously hot. Then, I feel Pita’s lips on mine. Eeeww! I squeal in my head. I play along, though. Maybe we can get sympathy from the audience.
“There’s gonna be one less lonely girl, one less lonely girl,” he sings once he breaks away.
“Pita, it seems you have Bieber Fever,” I say. I look at the beavers. “Or beaver fever.” I hear a voice in the sky.
“Attention, tributes,” the voice says. “By the Cornastupia, there are backpacks with your district’s name on it, containing something you need.”
I’m already racing for the Cornastupia. Once I arrive, I see Baito running for the backpacks along with the huge guy from District 11. I grab Pita’s bag and I run for it, but the guy from District 11, Plush, is in front of me. He slams my head with his Tonka truck. I ignore the blinding pain and spring for the forest. I hear Plush scream until he falls silent. Plush is dead.
I see the stream ahead of me, and I hand the pack to Pita. I plunge my head beneath the freezing water to numb my injury. I grab a beaver and put it to my head. The beaver doesn’t protest.
Pita takes out a CD player and an AC/DC CD. He inserts the disc into the player and puts the headphones over his ears. The red lines emanating from his cut dissipate, and soon the cut is just a scar.
“Pita?” I check to make sure he’s okay.
“I’m alright.”
“Are you sure? You won’t sing Justin Bieber anymore?”
“Nope,” he tells me. “’Cause I am TNT, watch me explode!” he sings. Oh lord, now it’s AC/DC. At least it’s not as annoying as Justin Bieber. “I’m joking, Katnip.”
I sigh in relief. “Oh good!”
“Today’s announcement is brought to you by Oxi Clean!” the voice in the sky says. I look up, and there’s a projection of Billy Mays smiling next to a bucket of Oxi Clean. “Right now, the only tributes left are the District 2 contestants, Baito and Blove, and the District 12 contestants, Pita and Katnip. May the odds be ever in your favor!” Then, there’s a slideshow of the dead.
I turn to Pita. “Let’s run.”
* * * * *
Stay tuned for Part Eight: The Hunger Pangs is a Lot Better than Narnia.
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And now for something a little different.
The busy stress of the last week of school was lightened when a student let me read a story she’d written—a send-up of The Hunger Games. I had to fight to keep myself from laughing aloud several times, since students were working on final exams.
She’s given me permission to post it here and share the joy. I’ll post each part separately over the next week or so.
(Remember, this is by a teenage student. Any nasty comments will suffer instant death.)
And so, I give to you…
Part One: Wicked Bieber
Today is the day of the Reaping, and my sister, Nessarose, just had a nightmare. She hates the day of the Reaping.
“Katnip! I just had the same nightmare of when the Hamburgers are chasing me!” Nessarose screeches.
“For the last time, Nessa, they are called Hamburjays, not hamburgers!” I correct her. Sheesh, she can be so stupid sometimes, but I love her dearly. She starts rolling her wheelchair towards me.
“Whatever!” She rams me with her wheelchair, but I just shoot an arrow at her foot. “Ow!”
“Shut up!” I snap at her.
“Children!” my mother interrupts. “I swear, you two are the loudest pair in District 12! Katnip, did you go hunting with Gale?” She struggles against her straightjacket, but she can’t take it off. The doctors have told her to wear it ever since my dad died in a coal mine accident.
“Yes, Mother. I got a whole squirrel and two strawberries for the family. Gale took the deer and the bucket of blackberries,” I answer. Gale Rawthorne is my best friend who I go hunting with all the time. He is eighteen and two years older than I am.
“Wonderful! Now, let’ go to the Reaping.” So we head out the door, not bothering to dress up for it. I have my long, brown hair in a loose braid, and my sister has hers in a braid, too. We are both dressed in our blue school uniforms and mother in her straightjacket. We get to the square where they announce the contestants for the annual Hunger Pangs, a contest where a boy and girl from each of the twelve districts in the continent of Painem fight to the death until there is only one person left, who is the winner. The winner gets riches while the rest of the continent is left to their hunger pangs. Food is scarce on this continent, and almost everybody is poor except for the people who live in the Crapitol, where the government is.
“Happy Hunger Pangs!” Eiffie Trinket screeches from underneath her grim reaper costume. “And may the odds be ever in your favor! Ladies first.” She steps toward the Bingo wheel and pulls out a numbered ball. Kids from the age of 12 to 18 are required to compete in the Hunger Pangs, and each kid basically fills out BINGO and a free space as they get older. Twelve-year-olds just get a free space, and eighteen-year-olds get a full BINGO and a free space. I’m 16, so I have a free space and BIN. Nessa only has a free space since she’s 12. My friend Gale, though, is 18 so he has acquired a full BINGO and a free space.
“Free space 42,” Eiffie announces. A man gives her a piece of paper with a name. “Nessarose Evergreen.”
“What?!” I cry out. Nesa starts pushing her wheelchair towards the stage.
“Take her place, Katnip, you have a better chance than Nessa,” my mother frantically whispers in my ear. Nice to know my mom loves me.
“Wait!” I scream. “I’ll take Nessarose’s place.”
“Yes!” Nessa squeals. Well, don’t try to stop me, Nessa, I think.
“Why, yes, you’re her sister Elphaba, right?” Eiffie solicits. My skin is an evergreen color, and people still confuse me with Elphaba since my sister’s name is Nessarose.
“No, I am not from that damn play ‘Wicked!’ My name is Katnip Evergreen,” I inform her. “And no, I do not defy gravity!” They always ask that.
“Oh. Sorry! Next, our male contestant is I-56.” A man comes over to give her a paper. “Pita Hellark!” I know that kid from school; god, I hate his singing. I prepare for an onslaught of Justin Bieber songs.
“Baby, baby, baby, ooooooooooh! Thought you’d always be mine!” Pita sings.
Yep, the Hunger Pangs have begun.
* * * * *
Stay tuned for Part Two: Oooh! Burn!