critique

ABNA "Vines" Reviews

Here are the full reviews mentioned here.  As with any review, I agree with some points (and made changes to address those a while ago) and not with others.  It’s probably a good thing the first reviewer didn’t get to see more of the story since … um, yeah, it’s sci-fi/fantasy.  (Gulp!)

Review #1

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

The main characters of this book are well sketched out and intriguing. Not over the top, utterly believable. (I would change the twins’ names, though. Tasmin… all I could think of was tasmanian devil. Lareina… how do you pronounce that? It was distracting.) I would think the author has had some experience with the foster care system or with children having disabilities and disorders. 
 
I like that the author stays with the same set of characters from the first to the second chapter, adding new ones in gradually. Every other excerpt I’ve read jumps from one set of characters to another. The author is spinning out her story from one chapter to the next, building on the growing foundation. It’s likely the narrative will follow a well-thought-out arc, not bounce around in episodic vignettes.

What aspect needs the most work?

Although I like all the many and varied characters, there is the possibility of the author going over the top with quirky and unbelievable characters. He/she will have to show some restraint, given the group home setting with the wide range of disabilities and disorders. While it is refreshing to see that these characters are normalized and treated sensitively, I also would not like the author to start imbuing them with extraordinary abilities or senses… like the deaf Tasmin staring off in her trance-like state or the autistic Ryan: “Sometimes I think you see more than we give you credit for.” 
 
Also, for what it’s worth, I did’t like the almost-rape scene. It could have been grittier or more detailed, so I’m grateful the author left something to the imagination, but nevertheless, all I can say is that I think it’s uncalled for. Perhaps I’m out of touch with the reality of young adult fiction. I know The House on Mango Street is on reading lists for this age group, and I didn’t like the rape scene there either, literary or not. I know the world is a hard place, yadda, yadda, yadda, but I don’t feel like we need to shove it in a child’s face every time she/he opens a book. (If the scene must be left in, I would rethink it. Lareina gets out from under Jonathan far too easily. She must be outweighed. How does she do it? The author implies Jonathan’s in some sort of pain, but I wasn’t sure why. What was Lareina doing to him?)

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

Of the excerpts I’ve read thus far, this is the book I’d be most likely to continue reading. The school setting resonates with young adults, as well as the varied peer interactions. The dialog sounds genuine for the age group, and the main character doesn’t display any preternatural wisdom beyond her years. The author has given Lareina a sly sense of humor and a natural, though not cloying, sensitivity to others. I’d be happy to spend more time in her company in this book.

Review #2

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

What a novel idea: two twin girls, one hearing impaired, growing up in a foster system, going to high school. The author takes this idea and runs with it, immediately drawing the reader into the story with great storytelling, some gentle ape appropriate humor, and immediate tension towards the end of the second chapter. By then, you are drawn to these diverse characters, and the event that ends the excerpt is truly surprising. This story has the potential to explore some interesting topics not frequently explored in youth adult fiction.

What aspect needs the most work?

My only hope that the attack at the end of the second chapter turns out well for these girls. By this time, you know and like them, and to have something so hideous happen concerns me greatly. I don’t want this to be yet another female protagonist victim story, but one of empowerment for our girls.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

This is truly unlike much of what I’ve been reading; two complete, interesting characters, set in an interesting setting, offers so many possibilities of what can happen. I am drawn to the uniqueness and novelty of the story, and feel that it is in great hands!

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ABNA Quarterfinals

Yes, I made the cut.  Look, here’s proof.  So far I’ve only seen a summary of the “overall impressions” bit of the second round reviews (the full reviews should be available on CreateSpace soon, I hear), but those summaries look pretty good:

Review #1  This is truly unlike much of what I’ve been reading; two complete, interesting characters, set in an interesting setting, offers so many possibilities of what can happen. I am drawn to the uniqueness and novelty of the story, and feel that it is in great hands!

Review #2  Of the excerpts I’ve read thus far, this is the book I’d be most likely to continue reading. The school setting resonates with young adults, as well as the varied peer interactions. The dialog sounds genuine for the age group, and the main character doesn’t display any preternatural wisdom beyond her years. The author has given Lareina a sly sense of humor and a natural, though not cloying, sensitivity to others. I’d be happy to spend more time in her company in this book.

The first day after the quarterfinal excerpts were posted was funny.  Apparently, I have enough tech-savvy friends (especially fellow writers) that my excerpt got downloaded several times right away.  This led to shooting up the Kindle Bestseller chart, topping out at #17.  That, in turn, led to some poor souls downloading the excerpt to their Kindle and wondering where the rest of the book was.  (I take the fact that they wanted to continue reading to be a very good sign.)

So I’m adding another item to my Things to Do While Waiting on an Agent list: reading the other 249 excerpts in the YA category.  I’ve already done eighteen (took notes, but haven’t posted reviews for all of them yet).  Not a bad start.  I should be finished by April 27th, when the semifinalists are announced, right?

I just hope all the reading keeps me from thinking too much about the fact that a reviewer from Publishers Weekly is reading my full manuscript.

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The Author’s Skin: Part 2

I wrote previously about how writers respond to criticism of their work.  There’s another reason to make sure our skin is thick enough, though: If you’re in the public eye, people might go after more than your work.

Think of all the things about you or your personal life people could make fun of or attack.  Your appearance, social status, ethnicity, religion … I’ve got a mental list of “easy targets” ready and waiting.

I could save the late-night talk show hosts some time and money by writing the jokes myself.

Where do we draw the line between standing up for ourselves and ignoring people who just want to get a rise out of us?  How do we keep ourselves from taking it personally when it is personal?

Since I halfway expect it, I think I’d just brush it off as ignorance.  I’d also want to try to educate people, to counteract that ignorance, but it’s tricky.  Of course, I won’t really know unless I ever get into that situation, though online communities have given plenty of small-scale practice.

Last thing I want is to become known as the author who blew up over a supposed personal affront.

I’d rather be known as the author who wrote great books and conducted herself in a classy manner.  Anyone else?

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Looking for Logic

There is some debate about whether any unpublished writer is qualified to critique the work of another.  When it comes to genre-specific conventions or highly technical aspects, maybe not.  But other areas are fair game.

I know not every writer is also a math teacher.  (Okay, hardly any are.)  Still, any literate person should be able to identify where logic fails — things that make you go, “Huh?”

If these show up in my writing, I hope someone would point them out for me.  All examples have been made up by me, though I’ve seen similar in my own writing and others’.

Continuity Errors
With an effort, Grandpappy lowered his aching bones to sit in the comfort of his rocking chair.
[5 lines later, during which Grandpappy does not stand up]
The doting granddaughter supported him by the arm so he could sit in the chair his father had lovingly crafted so many years ago.

Being unemployed was doing a number on Stella’s self-esteem.
[a chapter later, during which Stella does not get a new job]
Stella supposed being kidnapped by aliens was a satisfactory reason for missing work.

Contradictory Language
Before he even began considering alternate transportation, Trent developed a variety of jetpacks, maglev skis, and hovercars.
[Pretty sure Trent was considering alternate transportation when he came up with those Jetsons-style contraptions.]

“If you want this done right, I’m your man,” Freddie said humbly.
[Do I have a different definition of “humble” lying around?]

Any other examples of things that make you go, “Huh?”

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The Author’s Skin

It’s got to be thick.  I’m thinking rhinoceros-like.  Maybe even armor-plated.  Constructive criticism can sting the ego, but it’s a gift.  It gives you another perspective and forces you to make tough decisions that hopefully make your work better.

Unfortunately, some authors seem to be allergic to criticism of any kind.  They go into literary anaphylactic shock at the first hint of it.  I’ve got bad news, kids.  If you think my feedback is rough, wait ’til you come up against agents and editors that won’t even read as much as I did.

Here are some of my ideas of appropriate and inappropriate responses.  Take note – considering feedback does not necessarily mean making changes.

Feedback: “This part is confusing.”
Appropriate Reaction:  Assuming this person is within my target audience and thus has the requisite background knowledge, I’d better check that part.  Is something obvious to me because it’s in my head, but it’s not coming across clearly on the page?
Inappropriate Reaction:  This person obviously has no idea what they’re talking about.  It’s all there in black and white.  How can they miss it?

Feedback: “This formatting choice is distracting.”
Appropriate Reaction:  Uh-oh.  Last thing I want is for my readers to be distracted by something like format.  Why did I choose to use italics/bold/double-quotes/single-quotes here?  Can my purpose be served by something less obtrusive?  It’s only one person’s opinion, so I’ll keep this as a note to myself.  If others comment on it, I might want to rethink it.
Inappropriate Reaction:  This is what makes me distinctive.  I don’t want to look like every other book.  If they think my use of reverse-indentation is hard to read, then they’re just missing out on my genius.

Feedback: “I had a hard time getting into this.”
Appropriate Reaction:  Yikes.  Is this person part of my target audience?  If so, I need to figure out why I’m not drawing them in.  If not, I should still consider my hooks and pacing, because it’d be nice to have broader appeal.
Inappropriate Reaction:  How dare they attack the product of my blood, sweat, and tears?!  Everyone else who’s ever read this (i.e., all my friends and family) say it’s the greatest thing since [insert name of favorite author here].  This person is clearly just mean-spirited and jealous of my massive talent, because otherwise, they wouldn’t be able to drag themselves away from my pièce de résistance.


For the record, I’m only mildly exaggerating.

Good luck in the publishing industry, kids.  See you around.

[ETA: Eight months after I posted this, Pete Morin blogged about rhinoceros hide.  Check it out.]

  

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