Fingerprints

ABNA "Vines" Reviews

Here are the full reviews mentioned here.  As with any review, I agree with some points (and made changes to address those a while ago) and not with others.  It’s probably a good thing the first reviewer didn’t get to see more of the story since … um, yeah, it’s sci-fi/fantasy.  (Gulp!)

Review #1

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

The main characters of this book are well sketched out and intriguing. Not over the top, utterly believable. (I would change the twins’ names, though. Tasmin… all I could think of was tasmanian devil. Lareina… how do you pronounce that? It was distracting.) I would think the author has had some experience with the foster care system or with children having disabilities and disorders. 
 
I like that the author stays with the same set of characters from the first to the second chapter, adding new ones in gradually. Every other excerpt I’ve read jumps from one set of characters to another. The author is spinning out her story from one chapter to the next, building on the growing foundation. It’s likely the narrative will follow a well-thought-out arc, not bounce around in episodic vignettes.

What aspect needs the most work?

Although I like all the many and varied characters, there is the possibility of the author going over the top with quirky and unbelievable characters. He/she will have to show some restraint, given the group home setting with the wide range of disabilities and disorders. While it is refreshing to see that these characters are normalized and treated sensitively, I also would not like the author to start imbuing them with extraordinary abilities or senses… like the deaf Tasmin staring off in her trance-like state or the autistic Ryan: “Sometimes I think you see more than we give you credit for.” 
 
Also, for what it’s worth, I did’t like the almost-rape scene. It could have been grittier or more detailed, so I’m grateful the author left something to the imagination, but nevertheless, all I can say is that I think it’s uncalled for. Perhaps I’m out of touch with the reality of young adult fiction. I know The House on Mango Street is on reading lists for this age group, and I didn’t like the rape scene there either, literary or not. I know the world is a hard place, yadda, yadda, yadda, but I don’t feel like we need to shove it in a child’s face every time she/he opens a book. (If the scene must be left in, I would rethink it. Lareina gets out from under Jonathan far too easily. She must be outweighed. How does she do it? The author implies Jonathan’s in some sort of pain, but I wasn’t sure why. What was Lareina doing to him?)

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

Of the excerpts I’ve read thus far, this is the book I’d be most likely to continue reading. The school setting resonates with young adults, as well as the varied peer interactions. The dialog sounds genuine for the age group, and the main character doesn’t display any preternatural wisdom beyond her years. The author has given Lareina a sly sense of humor and a natural, though not cloying, sensitivity to others. I’d be happy to spend more time in her company in this book.

Review #2

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

What a novel idea: two twin girls, one hearing impaired, growing up in a foster system, going to high school. The author takes this idea and runs with it, immediately drawing the reader into the story with great storytelling, some gentle ape appropriate humor, and immediate tension towards the end of the second chapter. By then, you are drawn to these diverse characters, and the event that ends the excerpt is truly surprising. This story has the potential to explore some interesting topics not frequently explored in youth adult fiction.

What aspect needs the most work?

My only hope that the attack at the end of the second chapter turns out well for these girls. By this time, you know and like them, and to have something so hideous happen concerns me greatly. I don’t want this to be yet another female protagonist victim story, but one of empowerment for our girls.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

This is truly unlike much of what I’ve been reading; two complete, interesting characters, set in an interesting setting, offers so many possibilities of what can happen. I am drawn to the uniqueness and novelty of the story, and feel that it is in great hands!

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ABNA Quarterfinals

Yes, I made the cut.  Look, here’s proof.  So far I’ve only seen a summary of the “overall impressions” bit of the second round reviews (the full reviews should be available on CreateSpace soon, I hear), but those summaries look pretty good:

Review #1  This is truly unlike much of what I’ve been reading; two complete, interesting characters, set in an interesting setting, offers so many possibilities of what can happen. I am drawn to the uniqueness and novelty of the story, and feel that it is in great hands!

Review #2  Of the excerpts I’ve read thus far, this is the book I’d be most likely to continue reading. The school setting resonates with young adults, as well as the varied peer interactions. The dialog sounds genuine for the age group, and the main character doesn’t display any preternatural wisdom beyond her years. The author has given Lareina a sly sense of humor and a natural, though not cloying, sensitivity to others. I’d be happy to spend more time in her company in this book.

The first day after the quarterfinal excerpts were posted was funny.  Apparently, I have enough tech-savvy friends (especially fellow writers) that my excerpt got downloaded several times right away.  This led to shooting up the Kindle Bestseller chart, topping out at #17.  That, in turn, led to some poor souls downloading the excerpt to their Kindle and wondering where the rest of the book was.  (I take the fact that they wanted to continue reading to be a very good sign.)

So I’m adding another item to my Things to Do While Waiting on an Agent list: reading the other 249 excerpts in the YA category.  I’ve already done eighteen (took notes, but haven’t posted reviews for all of them yet).  Not a bad start.  I should be finished by April 27th, when the semifinalists are announced, right?

I just hope all the reading keeps me from thinking too much about the fact that a reviewer from Publishers Weekly is reading my full manuscript.

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Keeping Busy

Progress!  I have written another short story.  I won’t be posting it here, because I have hopes of submitting it to a few places.  (Imagine if it got accepted – I’d have a publishing credit.  How snazzy!)  Just under 4000 words, so about four times as long as the first attempt.  The first was just a fun little exercise to see what happened if I tried.  This one I took more seriously.  If anyone’s willing to offer some feedback, drop me a line.

I’ve also gotten back to the sequel for Fingerprints.  Wrote several pages, knowing that I was likely to cut most of one scene.  I had to write it to get things rolling again, but as a scene, it wasn’t going anywhere.  SNIP!  I hope I can keep pushing forward on it.  It feels like it’s a third of the way (or maybe halfway) through, so I’m curious how long it’ll end up.

Meanwhile, the day job has plenty going on as well.  State testing this week, which I have to miss my morning classes to administer every day except Thursday.  Seven of my students (including my entire Pre-Calculus class) will be leaving for Europe Tuesday afternoon and will miss the rest of this week and next.  Oh, and I’ve been procrastinating a final project for my professional development class.

All this has helped a great deal in keeping my mind off the next round of cuts for ABNA (happening Tuesday) and the full I have out to an agent.  I prefer stressing about things I have some (if little) control over.

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Just for Giggles: Character Transplant Exercise

In a fit of randomness, I started thinking about my characters and how they would fit into the real world.  Maybe other writers (especially of fantasy) do this all the time.  It’s kind of fun, and has made me think about my characters in-depth, particularly the more minor characters.

I wonder how much you can tell about my book from reading this silliness cold.  Hmm …

Raina would front a rock band, drawing comparisons to Paramore’s Hayley Williams, except Raina would mouth off to the press more than she should.  There would be a rumor about the paparazzi and electrocution, which sensible people would shrug off.

Taz would make major breakthroughs in computer science and linguistic programming, specifically in the development of signing avatars.  She’d be a guest lecturer all over the world, and her company would be puzzled over why she never asked to be reimbursed for her airline tickets.

Niko would take online courses in philosophy while hanging out with Raina on tour, driving his professors to madness with his ability to beat them in any argument.  He’d turn down the opportunity to go to top medical schools and become a writer instead.

Vota would be a MythBuster.  She loves blowing stuff up, so she’d fit right in.

Genno would be a negotiator, but not in any kind of business sense.  Probably law enforcement, hostage negotiation, that kind of thing.  His co-workers would think of him as the nice guy, kind of quiet, but they’d also know not to mess with him.

Willet would be a contestant on Survivor.  He’d be the guy who tries to win by flirting with all the girls.  There would be nasty fights during and after tribal council, claiming that using his shapeshifting to impersonate other tribe members constituted cheating.

Pashti would be a student at the Art Institute of Chicago (sculpture, mostly).  By all appearances, she’d be sophisticated and avant-garde, but secretly she’d spend her Thursdays watching Survivor, rooting for Willet.  (She’d never tell him, though.)

Anyone else ever tried something like this?  Other favorite character exercises?  Feel free to post links in the comments.

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Name Soup

How many characters can we absorb at a time?

In working on query letters and pitches, I’ve become conscious of the “name soup” that can happen when too many characters are crammed into that tiny space.  Like a party in a tiny apartment, there’s no elbow room and no way to keep track of who’s who.

What about in the novel itself, though?  How many new characters can we introduce before the reader needs time to breathe and process?

I suspect part of the answer lies in how we introduce them.  Don’t start a ticker-tape parade for a minor character who serves a limited function for a few pages.  Conversely, if the character is important, they need to stand out.

I wonder how much genre and audience play a role.  Do readers expect a large cast of players in certain books?  Readers of sci-fi and fantasy will be more prepared for strange names than readers of a modern-day crime thriller.  What about the number of names to keep track of?

Speaking of strange names, we can make up the craziest names we want, but let’s make them pronounceable.  Even if the reader might assume a different pronunciation than we intend, it needs to be possible to come up with something.  Too many fantasy novels evoke my “Pat, I’d like to buy a vowel” reaction.

Now that I’ve posed the question, I’m going back to check the first scene at the foster home.  Have I thrown too many names in too small a space?  Hopefully not.

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Subconscious Metaphor

When I wrote Fingerprints, I had certain things in mind.  Certain characters had vivid personalities from the beginning, and I knew the general story I wanted to tell.  Some symbolism was consciously incorporated.

Then a colleague pointed out a a metaphor that I was not thinking about when I wrote it.  Not consciously, anyway.  Thinking about it, though, it had to be subconscious on some level, because it was so obvious.

Teks and Tuits.  The hearing and the Deaf.  Two worlds that some believe to be mutually exclusive.

It had to be subconscious, because I see the pull between those worlds every day.  Hard-of-hearing kids, especially … so often stuck in a tug-of-war.  Like listening to music and using spoken English?  Too hearing.  Can’t understand what people are saying at a noisy party?  Too deaf.

Can’t they be both?

So maybe the story can be a metaphor for a lot of things, groups and labels that the all-knowing “THEY” decide can’t coincide.

And as I think Raina would say, “Screw that.  Watch me blur the line.”

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