rules to live by
The Hunger Pangs—Bonus!
Thanks to those of you who’ve been reading “The Hunger Pangs” over the past couple of weeks. I’m sure my student appreciates the kind comments. She also wrote the following list of Eiffie’s Rules of the Hunger Games. Hope you like it!
1. I will not call Katniss “Robin Hood.”
2. I will not ask Plutarch Heavensbee if his house is black and yellow.
3. Gale is not Taylor Lautner.
4. I will not sing “The Hanging Tree” to Katniss’s mom or the Gallows.
5. I will not call Finnick “Percy Jackson” or “Poseidon.”
6. I will not say “crazy” in front of Annie.
7. I will not ask Katniss where her band of Merry Men is.
8. No, Peeta will not make a free cake for you.
9. I will not ask the Gamemakers to play Chutes and Ladders with me.
10. Do not call President Snow “Snow White.”
11. Do not cross out Bird in the book To Kill a Mockingbird and replace it with “Jay” and give it to Katniss.
12. Do not call Glimmer “Britney Spears.”
13. Do not attempt to stand in the rain hungry outside Peeta’s house and hope he will give you bread and fall in love with you.
14. I will not set Katniss on fire and call her “the girl on fire” while she’s screaming.
15. Do not say, “Look! It’s Taylor Lautner!” to [redacted] when it’s actually Gale.
16. I will not call Katniss “Tweety.”
17. I will not wear my “Down with the Capitol!” T-shirt to the Capitol.
18. District 13 is not the setting of Resident Evil.
19. President Coin isn’t on the quarter, and don’t call her “George Washington.”
20. Don’t call Prim “House,” or her mother, for that matter.
21. Don’t tell Cinna that you like Ralph Lauren better.
22. I will not play with Katniss’s bow or Finnick’s trident.
23. Don’t tell Peeta that he can “frost your cake any day.”
24. Don’t call Beetee “Jimmy Neutron.”
25. The Arena isn’t a place to watch hockey.
26. I will not call the Mutts “Scooby Doo.”
27. I will not sell morphling to Johanna Mason.
28. Don’t call Darius “Darius Rucker” and expect him to sing country songs.
29. I will not call the Peacekeepers “hippies.”
30. Don’t try to see Finnick Odair in his underwear.